co-working. ride-sharing. couch-surfing
it’s like everyday we’re coming up with new ways
to deal with the fact that living in a big city
it can be expensive, lonely, and at times even soul-sucking
and the latest thing in this is co-living
which takes sharing to a new extreme
I mean think about it, it’s one thing to share a ride
it’s quite another thing to live with a group of total strangers
in what is basically a dorm for millennials
but believe it or not, this is not a new idea
people have been living like this all over northern europe since the late sixties
trust me, I know this from personal experience
cause I spend my entire childhood in a communal house in amsterdam
and even though my house was quite different
from the co-living spaces popping up in new york now
the story of kollontai and — the eight women who chose to live there
it speaks to the promise and challenges of communal living today
here’s how it went down
in the early 1980s, amsterdam was suffering a massive housing shortage
apartments were really expensive and hard to find
and in response, the city government enacted a bunch of rules
including that one percent of all new apartments had to be communal
and if not for that little one-percent rule
I might have grown up in public housing on the outskirts of the city
luckily, my mom came across a more promising option
there was an ad in the groene amsterdammer which is, still is
a progressive weekly and it said "community" — "living community"
are looking for a parent with a 5 year old child
and I was a parent with a five year old child! so!
my mom was sold, and we moved in
but the thing to keep in mind about kollontai, is that it was all women
and it wasn’t by design but it wasn’t coincidental either
they were feminists and non-conformists, some were gay
and they were all rebelling against the traditional 1950s families they’d grown up in
one wrote at the time that she didn’t want to be
“some simple little housewife who comes home to a man in slippers.”
so it probably doesn’t come as a surprise
that they decided to name the house after alexandra kollontai
a russian revolutionary leader, feminist icon, and the first female soviet diplomat
alexandra kollontai was a russian feminist
who believed in free love in the time of lenin
and she was also a diplomat in scandinavia
and — but it was already named kollontai when I arrived here
I didn’t choose the name I didn’t even know
I didn’t even know who alexandra kollontai was before I came to live here. so
now, if you’re picturing a bunch of wide-eyed hippies
embarking on a utopian experiment
you’ve clearly never met a dutch leftist
lawyers and notaries were hired
meetings were held with city officials to iron out the house’s legal status
and once construction got underway
they drove the architect crazy with last-minute demands
the deal was that each tenant would pay her own rent and have her own private room
pretty much everything else was shared, including a kitchen
a communal/tv room, a garden — which they all had to tend
a washing machine, the rooftop and a couple of bathrooms
they agreed to have house meetings every month, and dinner every night
every
single
night
move-in day was july 18, 1984 and at first, kollontai flourished
the women hung out together, ate together, and even vacationed together
everything seemed possible
should we build a darkroom? sure
how about a guest bedroom? done, let’s do it!
so, really, everything was going great
even though for most, it was the first time they lived in a group
— yeah and I really wanted to live in a group
I don’t know why. I still do
coming from a large family, all nice and cozy together
and the social aspect of raising kids together
not in a claustrophobic little family of two people with children
but with more options
but the honeymoon phase was short lived
the problems started with the communal dinners
people who had kids wanted to eat earlier than people who didn’t have kids
vegetarians got offended when meat was served
work schedules didn’t allow some to help cook
and some who did cook were terrible at it
within a matter of months, the communal dinners stopped
the really sad realization, was that the women didn’t actually like each other enough
to have dinner together every night
— a couple of things did change over time
and I don’t remember us ever making a decision about that
it just happened naturally
eating together is very intimate, and you do that with friends
and if they don’t become your friends, it’s not interesting
and to keep doing it just to keep the household efficient, just doesn’t work
so it’s really quite simple
you end up eating together less and less, you start joining less
you start to think you might as well cook upstairs
and then gradually the dinners are no longer happening
besides the problems with the communal dinners
they also started arguing about every little thing
like where to set the thermostat
some would conveniently forget to pay their share of the bills
— once I went upstairs to cook, which was really something else
and tini completely lost her mind because she had seen me take her salt shaker
and felt that I had commandeered it!
and I thought to myself, well if this is how it’s going to be
I won’t be cooking here anymore, I don’t care
the final straw came in 1989
only five years after they all moved in
when one woman got so fed up with her floor mate
that she moved all her stuff into the communal room
the other women were pissed
it wasn’t her room, it was everyone’s room!
someone called the police
— what we always had to agree on, was the division of the spaces
if somebody would move out we had to agree on who would move into that space
and that ultimately was the only agenda item we ever really had
if someone was moving — oh, my god!
we have to decide again on what to do
and at some point that went wrong
there was a fight about a move in the house
and one of the residents squatted the communal room as leverage
squatting!
and then evacuating!
yes! the other residents decided to evacuate her and her stuff!
I still remember that, me standing there with all these people moving her stuff out
and thinking oh my god
and that, was pretty much the end of the communal phase
the women continued to live there
but more like neighbors in the conventional sense
so kollontai was a flop
a failed experiment
a cautionary tale
or was it?
well... not for me!
because while the adults were arguing and slamming doors
I was free to explore what was essentially a living, breathing wikipedia
on the fourth floor I discovered queen and the police
and made my first piece of graphic design, an ascii drawing of a skeleton
it was awesome!
my friends lived on the third floor
we used to have sleepovers and ride old mattresses down the staircases
so much fun
I used to go to the second floor to binge-watch fawlty towers and other british comedies
it’s also where I got my first lesson on middle eastern politics
we were watching the 8 o’clock news when I said
“hey, yassir arafat looks like a really sweet guy!”
and my mom looked at me like “what” and burst out laughing
and I haven’t even told you about my favorite floor yet
the first floor, the long abandoned common room
it was full of everyone’s garbage
the good kind
philosophy books, psychology books, clothes, old bikes, tools, paint
random furniture, disco records — and who knows what else
totally appropriate things for a 10 year old to be playing with
so if I think about it, it didn’t really feel like I was living in an apartment building
it actually felt like I was living in a little village
— well, that’s not an unhealthy environment to grow up in
I think a lot of villages have that
they have their own village idiot and they have their own artist
and they have someone who just kind of walks around
they have lots of different kinds of people
and for children that’s very interesting
it was really interesting
and I’ve never met anyone who grew up the way I did
whenever I tell my friends about kollontai I get a lot of confused looks
which is why I decided to do this project
co-living is taking off because people are wrestling with the same issues as my mom did 30 years ago
like affordable housing and feeling alone in a big city
and as we explore solutions, it’s important to know what we’ve tried before